Have you ever been in a difficult season where it feels like you're carrying so much already, and then something unexpected happens? No one else knows the weight you're holding, but when that extra thing drops, you just explode. To everyone else it seems like it came out of nowhere, but to you, it makes perfect sense—it's the overflow of everything you've been holding inside.
For some people, it looks different. Instead of one big explosion, they have little "release valves." They snap here and there, or they vent often to the people closest to them. It's not that they aren't overwhelmed—it's that they've learned to let the pressure out in smaller ways. They go to their people, they let it out, and then they can keep moving forward.
If either of these sound familiar—or if you know someone who operates this way—I hope you can hear this: these habits don't have to be weaknesses. They can actually become points of strength, if you're willing to grow in them. The truth is, you can't change someone else, but you can always choose growth for yourself. And when you keep growing, you won't stay stagnant.
One of the ways we look at these things and dive in to others is by trying to find the details in what we are doing that we can apply to every part of our life. What we are studying is high in leadership studies and high in deep emotional studies. And these lessons are for EVERYONE not just stylists!
So pay attention. Notice which parts of this hit home. Hit Save on what helps and, if something doesn't, simply go ahead and chuck it.
Lesson 1: What's Inside Will Come Out Under Pressure No Matter What's On The Outside
One morning, I was rushing to get ready for work. I love to sleep in, so I plan my mornings down to the minute—every step carefully timed, even how I'll put on my outfit. That day, I woke up a little late and quickly went to style my very curly hair, hoping to straighten it just a bit. I grabbed what I thought was my trusty hairspray, pressed the nozzle—and to my horror, a stream of water sprayed out instead. My hair was ruined, and I was completely frustrated.
As it turns out, my dear little sister had replaced the hairspray with water but never told me. I had to redo everything, all while the clock was ticking.
Here's the point: I expected the bottle to spray hairspray because that's what the label said. It looked like hairspray, and to anyone else, it would have seemed like hairspray. But when pressure was applied—what came out was water.
People are the same way. When we're under pressure, what's really inside us comes out. Whether you explode in anger or constantly release negativity, know that neither those are the right and true answer to pressure. It's not just about the pressure—it's about what's already inside. The Bible says, "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh," and that couldn't be more true.
So the real question is: What are you feeding your heart and mind every day?
But what does this have to do with Brides? What are you constantly thinking about when it comes to them? Are you focused on their pain points? It's so natural to do that. But here's the problem: when our focus is always on the negatives, it shapes how we see everything. Even if we're trying to stay positive, we can quickly become jaded—toward the bride, her party, and the whole experience. That doesn't just hurt the way we interact with them; it also weighs on us as people. Over time, that pressure builds and frustration sets in.
And frustration is dangerous. It shuts down creativity, joy, and connection. You might say, "I never show that frustration to the bride," and that may be true. But it often sneaks out in other ways—like needing to vent constantly to coworkers or even outside the shop. The words we speak affect not only us but also the mindset of those around us.
When this happens, it can warp the way we view people, especially brides. We start making assumptions about their intentions or motivations, automatically leaning toward the negative. In reality, most of the time they are not coming from a bad place at all. Often, they're just in a protective stance, not a toxic one.
That's why we have to make a choice: to step into their position, to think good thoughts toward them, and to remain open. If we let negativity take over, it becomes impossible to see them with compassion. Our job is not to pressure them, but to hold space with empathy and understanding. And this all starts with what we are putting in ourselves and our own hearts. Because what is inside WILL come out under pressure no matter WHAT is on the outside.
Lesson 2: You Affect Everything You Come In Contact With Whether You Realize It Or Not
When I was growing up, every Saturday was cleaning day. My mom made sure the whole house was spotless. And with three sisters in the house, hairspray was a big part of our daily routine. It was always being used.
One Saturday, while I was cleaning the bathroom, I noticed a sign on the wall with a strange film on it. At first, I couldn't figure out what it was. Then it hit me—it was hairspray. Over time, without us ever spraying the sign directly, it had become coated.
That's the principle: you affect everything you come in contact with, whether you realize it or not. You may think that when pressure comes, venting won't hurt anyone—or that keeping it in doesn't matter. But the truth is, you're still affecting the people around you, even when you don't see it.
That's why we need to live with awareness, constantly checking ourselves—almost like keeping our heads on a swivel—to notice how we're impacting others and how we can grow. No one around you is "peripheral." Everyone you encounter is affected by your presence. And here's the good news: if your purpose is to impact people for good, then your influence won't stop with just one person. It becomes like a domino effect, rippling out to reach so many more.
As human beings—and especially as leaders—we carry the responsibility of understanding how our lives affect others. Now, this doesn't mean exhausting ourselves trying to control how everyone sees us. But it does mean holding a positive perspective, being open to helping others, and showing up as whole, grounded people. Not as someone who lets everyone dump on them, but as someone who can guide others forward with encouragement.
My mom used to say, "When you enter a room, leave it better than you found it." I believe that applies not only to the physical space, but even more to the people inside that room. Your goal should be to leave them better than you found them.
Your weaknesses don't define you. What defines you is your ability to rise above them. Don't just wait for people to get to know you—take the step to know them. When your bride comes in—or when anyone enters your life—you'll be able to connect on a deeper level, to truly help, and to make an impact that lasts.
Your life makes a difference. And you have the power to make that difference bigger and bigger. So when the pressure comes, stay aware of how you're affecting people. Keep short accounts. Wipe off that sign before buildup sets in. And commit to leaving every person—and every room—better than you found them.
Lesson 3: The Channel Must Be Clear In Order For You To Be Effective
I love getting to sleep in — honestly, sleeping is one of my favorite things, and I think a lot of people can relate to that. But in college, I loved sleep a little too much. I would do anything just to grab a few more minutes in the morning.
One morning, rushing to get ready, I grabbed the hairspray bottle and pressed the nozzle. Instead of a light mist, I got one long, strong stream of hairspray — straight into my eye. My makeup was ruined, my hair was still undone, and there I was, half-blind, trying to fix the hairspray bottle.
What do you do in that moment? If you know hairspray, you know: the nozzle has to be cleaned out. Unless the channel is clear, it can't do its job.
Lesson three is this: the channel must be clear in order to be effective.
This applies to every part of life — work, relationships, leadership, even our faith. Clear of what? Let's say you've been filling yourself with knowledge about love, wanting to live it out and share it with others. But when it comes out, it's messy, harsh, or ineffective. The issue isn't the love itself — it's the channel. If we're too focused inward, stuck in a "me, me, me" mindset, the flow gets gunked up.
I'm not saying don't know yourself — that's essential. You should process, think deeply, and form your own opinions. But when self-focus becomes self-obsession, it blocks effectiveness. Like a clogged hairspray nozzle, what you've filled yourself with can't get out in a way that helps others.
Life is a constant process of checking ourselves: Am I the one in the way? Am I negative all the time? Do I only see others as the problem? Sometimes, yes, other people are part of the issue. But if we're obsessed with blaming, we end up in a victim mindset. And while you can heal from real hurts, staying stagnant in blame keeps you stuck.
When we stand for truth, the person who hurt us might not like what we say. They'll only welcome it if they already have love inside them. So we need to be that kind of person. When someone comes to you with pain, your first response shouldn't be defense, blame-shifting, or silence. It should be openness: I never wanted you to feel that way. I'm sorry. Thank you for telling me. That kind of response reveals what's truly inside us.
Leaders especially have a responsibility here. If you're in a position of influence, you can't shut people down when they bring their pain. You have to listen, acknowledge, and communicate with humility. Even if the other person doesn't respond well, the world will see the posture of your heart — and that matters.
Clearing the channel means removing self-protection and defensiveness so love can actually flow. And when it does, every interaction becomes an opportunity for healing — for you, and for those around you.
Lesson 4: You Must Be Pointed In The Right Direction
This study of love is really a study of life. To understand love is to understand how to live well — and how to show that life to others. If we don't put these principles into action, it's easy to slip into negative patterns, fall into relationship traps, and live with a selfish mindset. But love can be our guide, a light we hold up to everything we do.
So let's dive into this fourth lesson.
Picture this: you've got your hair perfectly styled and you reach for the hairspray. You press the nozzle, expecting a clean mist to set your hair — but instead, it sprays directly into your hand. Why? Because the nozzle was facing the wrong direction. Now, not only is your hair untouched, but you've got a mess to clean up and extra work to do.
That's exactly how life works. If you're not pointed in the right direction, your effort won't reach its intended purpose.
My husband calls this chasing a "derivative." For example, many people aim for happiness as their life goal. But happiness isn't something you can aim at directly — it's a derivative, a byproduct. True happiness comes from discovering and living out your purpose. When you walk in your purpose, happiness follows naturally. It shows up along the journey, not as a target you can grab and hold.
The same is true with people. If your focus is on results — numbers, sales, recognition — you'll always come up short. But if you focus on serving others, on truly loving them and meeting their needs, the results will come on their own. Numbers move when people are cared for. Joy grows when love is the center.
This perspective also frees you from being "salesy" or pushy. It allows you to connect with more people — not just those you naturally "click" with. Of course, it's wonderful to have close friendships with people who just get you. But love gives you the capacity to reach far beyond that, to engage with people of all backgrounds and personalities.
When your life is pointed in the direction of loving God and loving others, the results are powerful:
- Joy.
- Strength.
- The ability to resist manipulation.
- The capacity to love a wider range of people.
- Growth for you and growth for those around you.
That's what love does. Just like the best hairspray bottles fulfill their purpose — making someone more confident and ready to face the day — love fulfills its purpose by preparing us and those around us to live fully.
When we are aimed in the right direction, love not only transforms us, it equips us to help transform others.
Lesson 5: Place Your Life In The Right Hands And You Will Discover You Aren't Empty
As we move into these last few principles, I hope you're not just hearing stories, but also finding ways to apply them to your life — seeing how they might strengthen good attributes and even bring healing where you've felt worn down.
Growing up in a house with four girls and no boys, hairspray was a daily essential. I remember one morning, one of my younger sisters was frustrated because no matter how hard she pressed, nothing seemed to be coming out of the bottle. But being a more "seasoned" hairspray user, I knew a trick: if you held the can just right, in that sweet spot, you could still get a few extra sprays out — even when it looked completely empty.
Life can feel a lot like that bottle. There are times when we feel completely spent — like the pressures of life have drained us and there's nothing left inside to give. Maybe you've been there, or maybe you've walked alongside someone who has. In those moments, it's easy to believe the lie that you're empty, useless, or ready to be thrown out.
But here's the lesson: when your life is placed in the right hands, you'll discover that you're not empty at all. There is still more inside you — more strength, more purpose, more potential. From my perspective, God is not finished with me. He knows exactly how to position me, how to bring out what I thought was gone, and how to use me in ways I never expected.
The same is true for you. When you allow the right people — and the right Source — to hold your life, you'll find that what you thought was empty is actually still full. You're not done. You're not useless. You're positioned for purpose.
And when we apply this to our work with brides, it's a beautiful reminder: even when a bride feels empty, uncertain, or overwhelmed, we can help her see that she's not. We can position her in front of the right dress, in the right light, with the right encouragement — and suddenly, she sees herself differently. She discovers she's not empty; she's full of beauty, strength, and possibility.
That's the power of being in the right hands. And that's the gift we get to give — not just to brides, but to everyone we encounter.